Sunday, January 26, 2014

How I Met God in My Broken Places

But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. James 3:8-10 nasb
One woman’s journey into freedom working her way through A Guide 4 Listening & Inner-Healing Prayer.
“I love you.”         
“You need help and healing.”
“Slow down.”         
“Take care of your health.”

A few days later, moving forward in the book was challenging.  When I was asked to write down a persistent emotion or area of bondage, a single event came to my mind.  I was in my kitchen as a child—maybe 12 years old—and my grandmother who lived with us made a pronouncement over my life. I was washing dishes at the sink, and she didn’t like the way I was washing them.  Looking back as an adult, I realize how ridiculous her opinions and thoughts were about the way I was going about dish washing, but as a child I was frozen in fear.  She kept repeating to me that my method was stupid, and I would never amount to anything in life.  I kept washing the dishes the best I knew how as she pronounced over and over again my shortcomings and life sentence of failure.  Her face was cruel and her tone of voice confident and reassuring of how inadequate I was.  I remember the shock I felt and the lie I believed.  “You are a failure at the simple things in life.  You will never be smart enough or good enough.  You are bad.”

I lived life under that pronouncement.  My grandmother confirmed what I had been living since infancy.  I was and still am often verbally told or through actions or unspoken messages that I was/am:
·       A mistake—born later in my parent’s life and not wanted
·       Too much, a bother
·       I don’t want to be with you –you are annoying and a behavior problem
·       Ugly, fat, unattractive, not good enough physically
·       Life is depressing and filled with suffering
·       Always live in fear
·       Your emotions are bad and I don’t want to hear from you
·       I’m not good enough for my father’s love
·       I’m a disappointment
·       It’s okay to sexually and physically abuse you
·       You don’t deserve protection

The emotions and thoughts I feel:

·       Abandonment
·       Anxiety and fear
·       Detachment
·       Loneliness
·       Shame
·       Rejection
·       I was born to be used and marked for evil
·       A sponge that absorbed everyone’s problems and emotions
·       I’m an object—not human
·       My opinions are foolish, dumb, and not worth anything
·       Suspicion of other’s motives
·       Guilt for feeling joy or happiness

When I prayed a simple listening prayer Jesus spoke:
“You don’t have to live this way.  I will show you a different way.”
Through Bible study that same morning these verses were shared:
·       “God is not man, that he should lie.” Numbers 23:19
·       “He is enthralled by our beauty” Psalm 45:11
·       “He will not leave us.”  Deuteronomy 31:6
·       “Nothing can ever separate us from His love.” Romans 8:39

Jesus has paid the price and is calling us out of bondage.  We do not realize the abundance of what He has to offer through His wisdom and love.  We can’t believe it, so we don’t partake.  God is calling me to believe, accept, and partake!

2 Corinthians Chapter 3 was a resting place for me, and Jesus opened my eyes and heart.  The glory of the new covenant through the work of Jesus is FREEDOM! 

"But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
Jesus, help me turn to you—TRUTH!  Only in you are the lies taken away.  May I call upon your Spirit of truth and live in freedom.  I must contemplate, read, and acknowledge Your Word and promises in my life, so that I can be transformed into your image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from You alone.  I am your child.  I am completely loved with no exceptions.  I am worthy of this love, and I am Yours alone.  I belong to You.  I can completely trust You in my transformation process.  Amen
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