Sunday, February 15, 2015
Most problems with marriage or other significant relationships have their root in demanding that the other person treat me in a certain way and thereby meet my needs. My friend may have his (or her) faults and doubtlessly it would be helpful if he improved. However, to fall into the trap of “demandingness” is to somehow miss the whole point of what true relationship and love is all about.
Usually, in today’s society, when someone says I love you he or she really means is I love the way you make me feel. Later, when one’s partner doesn’t make him feel as it used to, the conclusion is that he must have fallen out of love. The real issue in a case such as this is a faulty definition of love. It is a preoccupation with getting rather than giving.
A focus on demanding that my friends treat me a certain way, affirm me, and meet my needs is not only self-centered. It will never improve the quality of the relationship or cause the connection to grow stronger.
What have you learned about the area of demandingness in your deeper relationships?
L2G would love to hear from you.